I had an Endocrinologist appointment a few weeks ago. It’s very easy (for me anyway) to get stressed out before Endo appointments, especially when you get blood work done beforehand. I have been working so hard on my A1c, and I was hoping it was down from my last appointment.
I always try my best to have a good A1c, but this time I had a different motive…a baby!
So, overall, my doctor was impressed. My A1c dropped from a 6.7 to a 6.5, and all my blood work looked pretty good. Well, aside from my high cholesterol, which I have had forever. My kidneys are doing great too, which is something I always worry about. I’m a huge worrier, can you tell?!
I planned on asking my doctor about having another baby. She knew from my previous appointments that I wanted to, since I asked her about 100 questions related to pregnancy! I was a little worried about bringing it up, so I waited until last minute. Ha!
Her exact words were, “Go for it! Everything looks great, and you have an awesome A1c!” Yes! I was so excited after hearing that. It looks like all my hard work is paying off.
I left the office on cloud 9 and I was so excited to tell my husband all about my appointment!
After my doctor’s appointment, I was in baby mode. I ordered a book about Type 1 and pregnancy, and I have been researching (in my typical fashion) about all things baby.
Then, one night I was reading my pregnancy book, and all of a sudden I started getting chest pains and it became hard to breathe. Great. It was the start of a panic attack. All of a sudden, I thought, what am I doing?!
I gave birth to my son in 2013, so it’s been a while since I was pregnant. The pregnancy itself wasn’t TOO difficult, but my blood sugars were a different story. It’s almost like I forgot how hard it was being pregnant with Type 1, in the midst of my excitement. So, in that moment, I started to panic. Ever since then, I have been having mixed feelings about getting pregnant a second time. I’m not going to lie, I’m scared!
Don’t get me wrong, my son was worth EVERYTHING that I went through. I would do it all over again in a heartbeat. But, part of me thinks I’m crazy for wanting to do it all again a second time!
It’s times like these where I absolutely despise Type 1. If it wasn’t for Type 1, I wouldn’t be having these thoughts. Part of me thinks that I just got lucky the first time around. My son was born completely healthy at 37 weeks. But, could I do all that again with the same result?! Please excuse me, while I go freak out.
For whatever reason, my brain likes to think of the worst case scenario first. Why? I wish I knew! There is nothing easy about a Type 1 pregnancy, BUT, it is worth it. I look at my son sometimes, and think about how lucky I am to be his mom. Despite having Type 1 Diabetes, I gave birth to an amazing little boy. I don’t give myself enough credit! Can I do this all again a second time? Absolutely. Will it be hard? Yes. Will it be worth it? Without a doubt.
So, I am trying to get all the what ifs out of my head, because they don’t do any good. They will just drive me nuts. I’m doing everything I can to prepare for a healthy pregnancy, and that’s all I can do! I need to be more confident in my ability to handle Diabetes while pregnant, and do what needs to be done. Besides, I did it once already, right?
During my pregnancy with my son, I was on injections. I was put on NPH insulin (which sucked by the way) and Novolog. I didn’t have a CGM either, so I tested my blood sugar about 20 times per day! It was rough. At least this time around I have an insulin pump AND a Dexcom. That makes me feel better too.
Pregnancy is definitely hard without a working pancreas, but I’m ready for the challenge…I think! 😉